In response to “I Doff My Hat for Lagos Ladies,” I received a number of requests from guys asking me to do a similar thing for men; after all I’m also a man! Now I can confirm without doubt that men can truly be much more jealous than women. Imagine! Just because I showed my great respect for our ladies makes it a must for me to do the same thing for men? Na wa o. Anyway, I do plan to raise my thumbs up for men very soon. In the meantime, I want all the guys out there to relax and be a bit patient. I will soon “be with you.”
While that special tribute to men is still in the oven cooking to your taste, I want us to take a quick look at what makes a real man in this post. This suggests that some men are not “real.” Yes, it is not all the people that call themselves “men” that are real men in the true sense of manliness.
What then qualifies someone as a man; I mean, real man? What are the marks of a real man? I have twelve here in this piece.
It is the duty of a real man to offer protection. If his woman runs home in fear, the real man protects her. A real man says to his woman, “Don’t worry, you are in safe hands.” When the children are scared, the real man gives them protection.
I will be a little extreme here, because this issue of protection is one of the marks I so much admire in a real man. When a real man shares the same bed with his woman at night, he offers to sleep on the vulnerable side of the bed.
How do I mean?
It is simple. A real man asks himself, “In the event of danger at night, which side of this bed is likely to be the first target for an intruder.” A real man sleeps on the side that is likely to be hit by the bullets. That is what a real man does. A real man does not expose his woman to danger. He is a shield. He takes bullets on his chest. A real man is forever dependable.
A real man has confidence in himself, and he makes sure that everyone around him has confidence in him. He is confident in making decisions. He follows his heart. A real man shows that he can be relied upon. Even when he’s not sure of what the outcome of a pursuit would be, a real man continues to forge ahead with confidence. After all, real men learn by experience.
A real man shows understanding. He does not expect his woman to behave exactly like him. When a woman talks too much, the real man listens. That’s why he’s a man, and not a woman. When a woman is apprehensive, the real man remains calm. He understands the feelings of a woman. A real man seeks the cause of a problem and understands it properly before taking any action. He does not act hastily. Because of his deep understanding of issues, a real man listens attentively and offers cogent opinion. But don’t expect him to force his views on you. He is not like that. A real man is a gentleman.
A real man lives courageously. He knows that life is full of vicissitudes so he acts bravely. A real man does not panic. A real man tries things out to enjoy the experience. If the outcome is not pleasant, he moves to the next experiment. That is what real men do. Real men don’t wallow in failures, they show audacity and tenacity. A real man is a bold man. He’s not like other men who drop dead on the way like a car with a faulty carburetor. He sees things to the end. A real man is an achiever. He sees himself as bigger than any problem he may have at hand. He convinces himself that he can do anything. That’s a real man for you!
A real man shows love. Yes, he may not be the first to say, “I love you” in the morning as a woman does. But deep down in his heart are lakes of love; lakes duly settled and undiluted. A real man doesn’t ‘double deal.’ But where he mistakenly does so because of the uncontrollable nature of humans, he immediately apologizes and vows never to repeat the act.
Real men remain truthful to themselves. A real man loves wholeheartedly and expects to be loved the same way. He shows affection. Though his masculinity physique may give an impression of intimidation, check him out to discover how affectionate he is. He’s a loving figure. Real men are great lovers.
A real man is a great satisfier. He satisfies his woman’s material and emotional needs. He remains active during the day, and energetic in the night. He does not give room for his woman to complain. He does not relent even when she keeps asking for more. How would she be called a woman if she does not yearn for more? That’s what women do, anyway. It is for a real man to continue to satisfy her needs; that’s the mark of real men that I know.
A real man thinks all the time. A real man looks for solutions. He charts the right course for his family. He’s the thinking vessel. Well before anyone figures out an issue, a real man has already thought deeply and identified it. A real man lives in the future. Real men think about tomorrow and plan ahead. They are thinkers, not vain talkers.
A real man provides guidance. Because of his nature as a man, he considers it his responsibility to guide his children on the right path to follow. He lives in such a way that Junior will be proud to say to his class teacher, “I want to be like my daddy.” That’s what makes a real man. And that’s what endears him to his children.
A real man has values. He has certain principles that he’s well known for. Mention his name anywhere and people can predict what he would say on an issue. They know how he behaves and relates. A man who does not believe in something is all but a real man. That’s the type that the winds blow left and right. Real men are not like that. They stand by their principles in time of rain and sunshine. A real man is principled.
I have searched far and wide, but I have not seen anyone as honest as a real man. He does not cheat, yet he’s always winning. That’s why Jon Huntsman says in his book, “Winners Never Cheat,” that the words of a winner are his bond, and his handshake is sacred. I agree with Jon: A real man never breaks his promise. He keeps to his words. Winners never cheat, and cheaters never win. A real man is a winner all the time.
A real man does not boast. Why does he have to? He doesn’t need to boast of anything because his actions have already spoken for him. He is a full drum, not an empty barrel. It is an empty barrel that makes the most noise.
Look at the face of a real man; you will know immediately that he has a lot inside of him. He does not have to talk, you will know by yourself. That is the mark of a real man.
A real man accepts responsibility. He takes charge. A real man does not blame anyone for whatever happens to him. He assesses his situation and does the needful. A real man takes 100% responsibility, not 99.9%. Is it a financial issue? He takes full responsibility. Is it about his job or business? He takes full responsibility. Is it about his family? A real man takes responsibility. He does not expect someone else to solve his problems for him. He remains in control.
Have you ever discussed your next move with anyone in the past? What did you get from the person? You probably received responses like, “No, that’s not right for you!” or “I don’t think that’s possible!” or “I doubt if you can do that!” Those are the statements of the feeble.
A real man is different. He believes you can achieve anything you set out to do. He supports you all the way. A real man nods you on. He encourages you. If you should fail in the process of trying, a real man does not blame you. He stands by you. He asks you to make another attempt. He does not want you to give up. He wants you to succeed. That’s the mark of a real man. He believes in you.
Now you know my views on what makes a real man. If you are a male, it is time for you to benchmark yourself against the 12 criteria given here to see how many marks you’ve scored. If you are a woman, use this article as a form of checklist for rating your man. You can even table it before your partner and ask him to score himself.
It is easy to bear the name of a man, but it takes efforts to be a real man.