Amala ladies

 

“You, eeeh, I said you should let me know when on your way to the canteen, but you didn’t.”

“Who says? I called your extension but it rang out, so I had to rush here because I was so hungry.”

“OK, maybe I was in the ladies when you called.”

“Sit down now.”

“Thank you. Shey there is nobody on this seat o?”

“No, I reserved it for you.”

“Ah, o shey ore mi.”

“So, you’re also eating amala like me!”

“Yes jare! I’m tired of rice, rice, rice, every time. It’s not as if I wanted to eat amala this afternoon but I don’t like the other food they have left in this canteen.”

“Same thing with me. I don’t even like eating amala outside my home.”

“Yours is better. Shebi it’s only outside your home that you don’t like eating amala. Me, I don’t like eating it at all.”

Wo ore mi, it was my husband that thought me how to eat amala. You know he’s from Ibadan. He can die because of amala and ewedu.”

Eeee eeeeh! You must be doing a lot of work in your kitchen at home o.”

Me ke? So, you think I prepare amala for him, abi?”

“Yes nah, shebi you just said your husband likes amala.”

Maa wo ee, why do you think I have a house girl? She’s the one that does all the cooking while I supervise. I can’t kill myself for any man jare.”

Hmmn, woo ore mi, my husband also demands for amala every now and then, but guess what I do.”

“What?”

“I buy it from the nearby mama put.”

“Are you serious? And he doesn’t quarrel with you about that?”

“Quarrel? shey na you go tell am where the amala came from? What do men know? My husband praises me for a great cooking after each amala meal. Trust me, when I package the amala very well for him like this, he would almost eat the entire plate along with it.”

O ga o, you know I’m also very lucky that my husband doesn’t ever step into our kitchen at home. He doesn’t have a clue about what goes on there.”

“Men, kitchen ke?”

“He’s rarely home so all he knows is that food is waiting for him whenever he gets back. I remember how he was describing my amala preparation skills to one of his friends recently. I was just giggling at his ignorance. If only he knows that he has been eating our house girl’s food all along, he would almost commit suicide.”

“Don’t mind men, they’re all the same. Imagine, they will be doing shakara, ‘don’t let house girl cook for me o, you’re my wife o, you must do the cooking personally o. I always laugh when my husband says all that kind of rubbish. Am I his slave?”

“O su mi ooo.”

“But wait o, ore mi, you better don’t let your husband discover that it’s your house girl that does the cooking. He will kill you o.”

“How can he?”

“Don’t say so o, what if your house girl becomes ill or something and she can’t cook on that day?”

“Sit down there. Am I not a woman? There will always be a way out. It’s either I also fall ill that same day or I secretly go to mama put like you. There will definitely be a solution.”

O oo serious, you’re not serious at all, are you now accusing me of being a mama put regular customer?”

“I no talk so o, no vex.”

Hmmn, guess what, ore mi. You see these our husbands eeh, I don’t know how to describe them.”

Wetin happen?”

Hmmn, did you know that my husband once caught me buying beef from those men who hawk meat about, and he became so mad at me.”

“Really? So, you also buy meat from those baba eleran adugbo?”

“Yes now, what time do I have to go to the market? I work in the office from morning till night, Monday to Friday, and sometimes on Saturday, so what time do I have to go to the market.”

“You’re right, ore mi. Those beef hawkers are our messiahs. Like you, I rarely have time to go to the market. Not when there is even one party or the other on Saturday, and we all have to be in church on Sunday.”

“That’s it.”

“So how did you escape your husband’s slap when he caught you?”

“Ah, ojo ye serious o. A very bad day indeed. He almost killed me with abuses. But we sha settle the matter and he forgot about it.”

“Thank God. I think I will also have to stop patronizing those people, otherwise my husband will kill me if he ever discovers that the beef he eats every day comes from hawkers.”

“Kini? Stop koo, stop niii, my husband still ate the same meat yesterday, and he’s going to eat it again tonight because it’s still in the soup inside my freezer.”

Ogbologbo, mo jeri ee.”

Shey I no be woman? When I season the thing for him with curry and other things, o ti ye e, ore mi, what I get from my husband every time is, ‘O shey my dear, obe yi dun pupo.’  He thinks he’s eating fresh beef direct from abattoir. Wo oo, ode l’awon okunrin; men are so foolish.”

Oore mii, eyin tun gbona. I bow for you.”

Iwo na nko? Who is hotter between the two of us?”

Woo, oya let’s go. It’s almost 3.00PM. That my oga will start yelling for his report and I still have about six pages left to finish.”

“It’s true, let’s go. I also have six urgent emails waiting for me.”

“God will help us.”

Amin o, ore mi. It’s not easy for women.”