BB Chat with Obama

PING!!!

“Hey, buddy!  Waus up?”

“I’m cool, Mr. President.”

C’mon man, cut it out. I’ve told you to always drop the title when chatting with me.  We’re pals, man!”

“Yeah, I know. But I must still give my respect.”

“Take it as a presidential order…address me as you used to do before I became president. Can you still remember?”

“Oh yeah, I do. It used to be Boy B. But I can’t do that anymore, you know.”

“Why not? I’m still the same Boy B of yore. Nothing has changed…at least not with my guys like you.”

“Thanks, Boy B.

“Great. So how is everybaady down there?”

“We’re all fine ooo…not complaining again.”

“But you’ve got to. It’s your right to voice out. That’s the beauty of democracy. You got wha’ I’m sayin’?”

“Sure, sure. But everyone here is tired of talking, talking, and no much action from the big guns up there.”

“Oh, boy! I pity you guys. But I know your honcho is trying to quarterback quite well. Just seems he’s got too many paper-pushers around him.”

“You’re spot on, Boy B. But some people think he’s making too many boo-boos these days.”

Huuuuh, I know. But you guys don’t have to get so bent about everything.”

“It’s not our fault. Everyone is so upset and he knows it.”

 “Yeah, there is tension everywhere. As you know, I’m not finding it so easy here either.”

 “I can understand, Boy B. The only thing is that suffering has levels.”

“That’s true. But tell me man, why are you guys getting reamed out with your honcho on his recent remarks?”

“Which one is that?”

Huuuuh…about not giving a damn or something”

“Oh! That one? Well, many Nigerians think he should have set a good example by declaring his assets, that’s all.”

“Sure, that sounds like the best thing to do. But you know what? The bling bling wrestling with me here is also refusing to release his financial details. So, it’s an issue in the States too.”

“That means we can’t blame our man too much, right?”

Huuuuh…maybe you shouldn’t get bent out of shape over the matter.

“You see, it’s not so much about his refusal to declare but the language he used in saying so.”

 “How?”

“He used a strange statement of…’I don’t give a damn…’”

Phew! What’s so bumpy about that buddy?”

Boy B, that’s against our culture. We don’t use such language around here?”

You kiddin’ me! Some dudes use worst language in Congress!”

“Yes, that’s America. We know you people talk the way you like. Didn’t you too pitch tent with homos recently?”

“And what’s wrong with that, buddy? Everyone’s got equal right under the American Constitution, you know that?”

“That’s the point I’m making, Boy B. Such a thing is strange to us and we don’t want our honcho polluted either by language or action.”

“You guys sometimes drive me nuts, you know that?”

“Here in my country, people are unhappy for many reasons; most especially this Boko Haram problem.”

Huuuuh! Everyone is worried about that globally. Just this morning, I got a call from David asking to know the next step to take on your BH issue.”

“You mean David Cameron?”

“Yeah!”

Hmmm, we really need every help you can all render to us down here.”

“Yes, we’re ready to help but we don’t fancy this idea of your government wanting to rap with those kooks.”

“But that seems to be the best option we’ve got right now, Boy B.

“It’s a dangerous option, man. Those guys’ve got a lot of hardware?”

Hardware? Are they into computers again? Why buying computers when they claim they dislike Western education?”

“Wake up buddy. I’m talking about weapons – guns, artilleries, bombs, rocket launchers and, holy shit, probably nukes!

“You scooped me with that, Boy B.”

“I don’t mean to scare you but, make no mistake; those guys are tough. If you enter into any dialogue with them they will only see your honcho as being Wussy.”

“So how best do we deal with this issue?”

“It’s so simple. You’ve got to smoke them out, collar them all and slammer them for life. We can help you do that if you wish.”

“But that’s what I said earlier. We need help.”

“It must be on our terms, if we’re to help out. Your government wanna talk, we wanna fight, man. That’s what we do as Americans”

“Wait a minute, Boy B. How come you guys are not smoking out the bad boys of Syria out of power?”

“Huuuuh…you know the reasons, of course. There are other big boys and one bad boy involved.”

“Please come down to my level.”

“OK. We’re being careful because of Russia, China, and that guy of Iran who’s always running off at the mouth. Trust me; I would have given that Syria chap a knuckle sandwich since.”

“Anyway, how’s your campaign going over there?”

“Oh! Everything is in the bag. Your Boy B will be back in the White House for a second term.”

“But I’m worried about that Mitt of a guy. Are you sure you can beat him in November?”

“Forget Romney, man. He’s just trying to give me a chase for fun. Americans ‘ve got no place for any bourgee at this stage. We did it four years ago; we’ve got to do it again. You got wha’ I’m sayin’?”

“Are you sure, Boy B?”

“Doubly sure, my pal.”

“How’s my Sis doing?”

“She’s cool. She racked out a few minutes ago.”

“Wow! Please help to tell her that she’s so much loved down here in Africa. And she looked so foxy in those white threads on CBS last night.”

Yeah, she’s such a fox…lucky me!”

“Oh yeah, you’re so lucky to have her.”

“I just sent you a pic now – ‘Me and My Fox’– Got it yet?”

“Wow, that’s what I just opened. You look so protective of her in the picture.”

 “Sure! A woman needs protection from her man, you know ”

“Absolutely! That’s one of the reasons I had a kick out watching your interview on ABC News last week.”

“Happy you did, buddy. As you know, it’s the season for show here in America. We’ve got to keep the racket up in the air; otherwise those Romney boys would have a voice.”

“I can only wish you well.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention, Boy B.”

Huuuuh…tell me something, man, how is the FL doing? Heard she just got promoted.”

“Yes, yes, she’s been promoted by honcho’s state governor.”

“Really? How could that be?”

“Well, she’s said to be an employee of the state.”

C’mon man, you’ve got to be kiddin’ me!”

“But I’m telling you the truth. Being an FL doesn’t mean you can’t be promoted by your state governor in this country.”

“Is she still working there?”

“That I can’t say. But I’ve never seen her work there since becoming our FL.”

Man, I can’t get it. Isn’t that something like a demotion? I would have thought that an FL is bigger than a state governor in Africa. That’s what your Ambassador told me the other day!”

“Somehow, yes. The Ambassador was right; an FL can fire a state governor at anytime.”

“So, how come a junior person is promoting his boss?”

Boy B, I suggest we talk about something else. It’s quite dangerous for me to talk so much about our government officials through this kind of a medium.”

“No, man. You have a democratic system of government so you’ve got your freedom of speech guaranteed.”

“Haha! Not as you may imagine, my friend.”

“Serious?”

“Absolutely serious, Boy B! We’re not as tolerant as you are in the States.”

Na wah oo…did I get that right?”

“Oh yes! You got it. You’re improving on our local parlance by the day.”

“O sheeeh!”

“Hahahaha! Boy B, Boy B; give me more jooo!”

“Yeah, it’s because I watch Nollywood films on weekends, you know that?”

“Sure?  You truly do that? You mean you have time for that?”

“Why not, man? I create time to have fun.”

“Hmmm, that’s a big lesson for African leaders.”

 “Haha, you can’t cheat nature, you know? You’ve got to wind down one way or the other. ”

“I know. That’s why I intend to come over to the US in September to catch some rays in Miami. I’m totally maxed out.”

“That would be wonderful, man. Malia and Sasha will be so pleased to see you again.”

“But I will visit your country on one condition.”

Spell it, buddy.”

“I will come on the condition that you will also spend your next holiday here in my country.”

Huuuuh…please repeat that”

“But you can read that text on your phone; can’t you? Read it again.”

“Huuuuh…”

 “OK, I’m sure you don’t want to give a commitment for security reasons.”

Huuuuh…you got it”

“Well, well, well… so sweet chatting with you again, Boy B.”

“Same here, buddy. Guess you’re about to cut out, huh?”

“Yeah, something like that…my phone’s running out of battery?”

“Really? Then get it charged quickly; I’ll wait.”

“No light, Boy B. I put off my Gen at 12.00AM to save some gas.”

“ Wow! Pity you, man!”

“In addition, it’s already past 4.00AM here in Lagos.”

“Huuuuh…that’s true. You’ve got to catch some Z’s over there, right?”

“That’s right. I must set out again before 6.00AM to beat the crazy traffic out there.”

“Kk. But one more thing before I let you go. What’s the latest gist on the bribery saga between that oil baron and your lawmaker?”

“Nothing ooo. Seems the noise is gradually fading off.”

“The oil magnate’s name is Dollar, right?”

No oo, it’s Otedola”

“Oh, I see. What does that mean?”

“Well, it’s actually something like ‘Scheming turns to wealth’ or ‘Treachery is prosperous’

“Really? That’s a loaded name!”

“Now you can see why he said that he actually set the lawmaker up with the dollar bribe?”

Oh, oh, you’re telling me he’s acting his name, right?”

“I didn’t say so oo.”

“Not to worry, man. Some guys bear ‘Bush’ down here and they’ve since left the country in a big bush.”

“Haha! Boy B, you’re so funny!”

“Anyway, you go hit the rack…you need it. Catch ya soon.”

“Thanks, Boy B. Stay blessed.”

“You too.”

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5 thoughts on “BB Chat with Obama”

  1. This is another master piece from the grand master himself, it shows the indepth of dexterity and the expression of existentialty in a comical manner. Good work Buddy!!! not kidding.

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