Birthday Chat.

“Hey man, happy birthday to you!”

“Yes oo, thanks a lot.”

“You look so radiant.”

“Yes ke! What else do you expect from a birthday boy?”

“Did you just call yourself a ‘boy’?”

“Yes now, am I not?”

“You must be kiddin me. How can a 44/45 years old man be a ‘boy’? The earlier you realize that you’re approaching 50 and you’re becoming an old man the better.”

“Well, say whatever you like. I’m not scared. I’m a booooyy!”

“It seems you don’t want to grow old.”

“You nko? You wan grow old?”

“But you can’t cheat nature.”

“Yes, I agree. At least the white hair in some parts of my body keep reminding me of that fact.”

“Anyway, let’s talk about your birthday. Where is the party taking place?”

“Which party?”

“Your birthday party, of course.”

“No birthday party joor. I want to make it a low-key celebration.”

“Why low-key?”

“Well, I’m following the leaders.”

“Which leaders?”

“Our leaders gave Nigeria a low-key birthday last October, so I’m following their footsteps.”

“Are you Nigeria? I beg, stop deceiving me.”

“Yes, I’m not Nigeria, but I’m a Nigerian.”

“Now I’m more convinced that you have joined them.”

“Join who?”

“Who else would you join other than those leaders who keep deceiving us with low-key celebrations only for our money to enter into their pockets in other guise? They wear cheap Nigerian dress to deceive all of us but go and check their bedrooms and bank accounts; our money full there yanfunyanfun.”

“Well, sorry o. I’m not one of them.”

“OK, if you’re not one of them, you must be running away from throwing a birthday party because you don’t want to spend money. Bros, you won’t take this money to heaven ooo, I hope you know that.”

“Who told you that I have the money to throw a birthday party?”

Haaaa, there you go again; why won’t a big man like you have the money to arrange a big bash for the boys.”

“Look at your face; I’m an ordinary salary earner like you so don’t start having some funny ideas.”

“I hear you… ground get levels. We are of different classes, shey you know?”

“I’m surprised you’re talking about a party instead of buying me a birthday gift.”

“Yes now, the two go together. When you throw a party, people will give you birthday gifts at the party. It’s as simple as that.”

“Why must I throw a party before you give me a gift?”

“Ha, na wah for you o. You will never change. OK, which kine gift you want from me sef?”

“Buy me a private jet.”

“Private whaaaat?”

“You heard me. If that’s too much, I can still take a Bugatti Veyron from you.”

“I said it: You have joined them.”

“I’ve not joined anybody joor. I’m only telling you my heart’s desires. And in any case, that’s what people give as birthday gifts these days so I want my own.”

“Hmm, don’t worry. Let’s talk about something else. What came to your mind as you woke up this morning – your birthday?”

“Well, nothing spectacular. It’s just another day, but I thank God for the gift of life.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes, it is. But I actually thought about the fact that I’m getting older with this birthday.”

Yeah, true talk.”

“As you know, getting older means one is moving closer to one’s grave. One day, one would sleep and…that would be the end of it all.”

“You appear so comfortable talking about death!”

“Well, talking about death is my business so why should it be a problem to me? We will all die one day, won’t we.”

“But nobody wants to die.”

“Yes, I know. Did I tell you I want to die too? The reality is that we will all leave this world one day. And the more we remember this fact, the more we should be living consciously and conscientiously. Some people behave as if they will never die. Mo sorry fun gbogbo won.”

Chai, you have come with your philosophy again.”

“Am I lying? The problem with you people is that you don’t like hearing the truth.”

“Do you know one thing I so much like about you?”

“What’s that jare?”

“I so much like your sense of humour.”

Hahahaha!

“Whenever I read some of the things you write, I’m always rolling on the floor with laughter. You give me joy.”

“Eeee eeeeeh, ori mi wu ooo.”

“And do you know the funny part of it?”

“Which one again?”

“Your face doesn’t give you out as a comedian.”

“Really? That reminds me of one of my New Year resolutions.”

“What’s that?”

“I intend going for cosmetic surgery on my face this year so that I can look more like Ali Baba.”

“Whaaaaaat?”

“Na so oo”

“In fact, there is something else I want to ask you.”

“Ride on.”

“As today is your birthday, do you have cause to regret anything that might have happened to you in the past?”

“None…I have none.”

“Be honest with me noooowwww.

“I cross my heart, I don’t have any regret.”

“But that’s not possible.”

“Look, as far as I’m concerned, everything that happens in your life has a purpose. And, by the way, aiye o le gun lo bi opa ibon. Ko possible.”

“What does that mean, Mr. Aristotle?”

“It means that everything cannot be as straight as gun barrel throughout your entire life. There must be low moments whether you like it or not. And, in any case, why weeping over a past event? Life goes on, my friend.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“You’re trying to swallow that, abi?”

“Yes ooo. OK, tell me, if you were to return to this world in the next life, who would you like to be?”

“I’m sure you want me to talk by all means.”

“Yes, I want to hear you.”

“OK, I will like to return as a woman.”

“As a woman?”

“Yes!”

“But why a woman?”

“Because I think women are so powerful.”

“That’s so strange. The general belief is that women are so powerless.”

“Well, that’s for those who don’t know the extent of powers that women possess. Who else is worshipped like God? Who is given honour at every occasion? Who is treated delicately and affectionately? Who possesses angelic beauty? Who is pampered like a baby? Who do men run after like honey? Who brings down the most powerful of all men without a gun? Who…”

O ti to…E don do. I can see your points.”

“Correct! What else do you want to ask me?”

“I will like to know your birthday wish…just one wish.”

“I wish to live beyond age 100 and still refuse to die.”

“But you said earlier that all of us must die. Are you contradicting yourself or what?”

“No, I’m not.”

“So what do you mean by your statement?”

“It is simple. When you do great things in life, you will never die even if you’re physically dead. That’s why today, we still hear names like Abraham Lincoln, Henry Ford, George Washington, Obafemi Awolowo, Nnamdi Azikwe, Albert Einstein, and others. Great men never die.”

“Wonderful. If that’s the case, may you live forever!”

“Amin ooo, Jesu!”

“Happy birthday, once more.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Shall we cut the cake now?”

“Yes, yes, please bring that cutlass over there.”

“Cutlass?”

“Yes ke!”

“To do what?”

“To cut the cake, of course.”

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4 thoughts on “Birthday Chat.”

  1. always enjoying your write up, sir. this is a GREAT one, sir. HAPPY BRITHDAY, SIR.

  2. Happy Birthday to you famous blogger, good piece of write up with a great sense of humor. Enjoy yet another year Mother Nature has given you free of charge, we want to have you around for many more years!

  3. yes i really enjoyed it.and once again happy birthday to u sir! more grease to your elbow and more grace to ur life!

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