How You Can Steal Millions of Money from Your Bank and It Will Never Be Detected

This could be the only life changing article you would ever need to read in your lifetime. It is a simple guide on how you can steal millions of money from your bank – any bank – anywhere in the world and nobody, I repeat; no Jupiter will ever detect it. All you need have with the bank concerned is an account, any type of bank account, and you would become an instant millionaire! So, if you are ready to learn how; just grab a pen and paper, sit back, and pay attention to the instructions that follow.

Hmm, how did the preceding paragraph sound to you? Let’s start with the title of the post itself. Why did you click to read? So you truly want to learn how you can steal millions from your bank? No, no, no, don’t start denying it. You really want to know how you can penetrate that bank’s vault, grab the millions, and keep quiet inasmuch as your action is NEVER detected.

Don’t bother to start defending yourself. I’m sure you are like so many other people who will read this article just because having millions of money “smells” nice. I can also bet that some of our pastors and imams will also click to read. That’s life for you. In fact, I will do something. I will come back here tomorrow to give you a feedback on the number of people that read this post within 24 hours of posting it. I implore you to come back here for a follow-up tomorrow.

Anyway, let me apologize for raising your hope that much. Sorry, I’m not a thief, I no be robber, I don’t know how to steal money from any bank, and this is not, in any way, an instructional article on stealing. But the style adopted suits what I want to talk about today. The article is to call your attention to the way we relate as humans, and the way our mind works. So don’t abort the reading. Be patient with me, read the whole post, and leave a comment. Do we have a deal? Wonderful!

Before I proceed, let me ask you a question; and I want you to be very honest – at least to yourself. What came to your mind immediately you saw the title of this article? Did your mind say, “Sure? If the stealing will never be detected, count me in?” In other words, did you actually open the article with the intention of learning “how to do it cleanly” without anyone EVER knowing?

Having asked that question, I’m sure some people will begin to feel guilty and start finding a way of rationalizing their decisions to read this article. Let me try and put the “clickers” into different categories:

  • Many, in fact majority, would click the article with a view to learning the trick and then proceed to try it out if convinced;
  • Some would open it with a view to learning the trick and then start to think about how to protect their banks from possible exposures. This category of people would be the honest employees of banks;
  • Some would decide to read the article for the fun of it. But I have a little problem with this group. If you actually had the intention of “reading for the fun of it” and you are eventually convinced, what happens? Won’t something continue to urge you to “try it out?”
  • There would also be a minority group that probably wants to read for research purposes.

There could be other categories of readers but let’s just limit them to the four identified above. One assurance I can give you is that, of all the four groups, those who will actually want to steal from their banks provided the crime will never be detected will form the majority. That, I can guarantee you!

It then brings me to the main point: a large number of people are ready to break the law or misbehave if they will never be caught. They would be ready to steal from their banks for different reasons. For some, it would be because they need the money badly; for others, it would just be to teach their banks some hard lessons. And many people actually have some scores to settle with their banks, most especially in Nigeria where a lot of customers complain daily.

Imagine what could happen if there weren’t punishments for certain misdeeds like traffic offenses, murder, rape, armed robbery and so forth. Would people just accept the fact that those actions are bad and then refrain from them? No way! They would rather have a field day committing crimes. But that is not to say everyone would be a criminal. No, we would still have a tiny group of people that would behave well in spite of the absence of corresponding punishments; though that number would be so negligible indeed!

I understand the place of religion in human relationships and behaviors. A man tells you, “Sorry, this kind of thing is against my religion. I can’t do it.” Another one says, “No, I am a born again Christian, I can’t commit adultery.” That’s fair enough. Religion helps in shaping people.

But most people behave well because of the threat of hell fire. Of course, preachers talk about heaven too. They say that if you remain a good man or woman, you would have a place in heaven. The problem is that many don’t care about heaven that much. It is the deterrent – hell – that hits home the point. Check the bible, most especially the book of Deuteronomy, Chapter 28. It’s a balanced book because it clearly states the rewards for obedience and also spells out the punishments for disobedience. When you read carefully, you will realize that only 14 verses are devoted to rewards. The remaining 54 verses of the chapter lay down the penalties for flouting the Mosaic Law. Why do you think this is so? That’s to confirm the fact that punishments command better obedience.

It’s funny how Lagosians continue to pass urine where there is a “Do Not Urinate Here” notice? Have you also observed that advertisers paste more bills on your house walls when you put a “Post No Bill” sign there? They simply ignore all the warnings because they know you can’t do anything. No punishment! In fact, as they flout the rules, they mock you, “This man must be joking.”

In Lagos, motorists respect the BRT lanes because of LASTMA boys. People pay NEPA electricity bills because they don’t want to be cut off. Subordinates work better because “Oga is around.” Politicians try to perform because they want to be re-elected. Everyone respects the corresponding punishments for their bad actions.

Maybe there is an exception to the rule, however. This has to do with the al Qaeda and Boko Haram boys. It seems they don’t care about any punishment. Rather, they look forward to the “reward of free passage to heaven” for their actions. That sounds crazy, right?

With the avalanche of punishments for misdeeds in every society of the world, it is so surprising that the spate of criminal activities doesn’t seem to be reducing. Why is this so? For me, it is because we place too much emphasis on punishment. The few societies that properly orientate their people have better records to flaunt. They embrace preventive crime fighting.

Bringing everything down to individual levels, we should be asking:

  • Why can’t the Damfo bus driver respect the traffic laws believing that it is for the benefit of everyone for him to do so?
  • Why can’t a man see that a clean environment is for the good of everybody?
  • Why shouldn’t an electricity consumer convince himself that he must just pay for his power consumption?
  • Why should employees decide to do whatever they like when “Oga no dey?”
  • Why must people continue to do the right things only because they don’t want others to talk?

I think the world would be a better place if (a big IF) all of us, individually and collectively embrace the concept of “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.” This, I believe, will make all of us know that stealing from a bank, even if it would never be detected, is not for the common good. Our politicians would know that embezzling our money is more dangerous than armed robbery; pastors and imams would know that inculcating good habits in the congregation is more important than tithes and offerings; employees would know that collecting salary without rendering commensurate service is bad; employers would realize that enslaving their staff is a crime; and Boko Haram and al Qaeda guys would be convinced that killing their fellowmen is evil. Each of these and many more would happen even in the absence of any punishment, since good behaviors would be coming from personal conviction.

Since I’ve spoken this far like a General Overseer, I’m sure you will permit me to quote another section of the bible. Let’s go to the book of Ephesians. I’m quoting verses 25 to 32 of the 4th Chapter:

  • Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another.
  • “Be angry, and do not sin:” do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
  • Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.
  • Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers…
  • …And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

In summary, let us be good to one another whether or not there are rules and punishments in place.

That’s the end of my sermon for today. Have a wonderful week ahead.

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12 thoughts on “How You Can Steal Millions of Money from Your Bank and It Will Never Be Detected”

  1. The first question i asked myself was how possible is this? My mind went straight to the alert i received last week that i withdrew everything in my abandoned account in Nigeria with ATM, How possible is this? I have the ATM here in purse. Concluding that everyday is for the thief and one day for the owner. I wanted to delete it with speed thinking its all these spam messages “Make money from home”. Thank God that no one can steal million from the bank without detecting…….dat for bring bad business for banks bcos I will be among the 1st people to close his account before the problem go reach my account turn………The money that can’t solve my liabilities then one rogue will now maneuver it and put me for oh God………. Oga will be looking forward to read another article about employers enslaving their employees………………

    1. Haha, Kunle I can’t just stop laughing here…

      As for your request, let’s see what happens soon. I’m amazed that lots of requests are now pouring in from readers these days. Right now, I have about 18 different requests for specific articles. Quite helpful because I don’t have to scratch my head for topics. The “request bank” is there for me.

      Keep visiting and keep reading.


  2. my oga, as a matter of fact, you can attest to my character – that I would never conceive the idea of stealing; let alone from a bank! Meanwhile, this happened to be such an attractive heading; it immediately gave you up, for being up to something sir – though not sinister, but I told my friend to come read along with me, that this my oga is up to something, with this funny heading!
    Do keep it up sir; I read all your posts, and all do make very interesting reading!
    Hope your work and family are fine sir?

  3. Nice sense of humour,was actually wondering how an insurance guru will be giving tips on how to rub a bank.Anyway that was catchy,especially when i want make money fast fast :D.loving this blog more!

  4. Honestly, i knew the Headline is a misnomer somehow. Probably because i knew who is behind the article. I was convinced it will be educative and worth reading. This is a nice one. More of it.

    1. Thanks Kola. Later today, I will be publishing a short follow-up on the article to tell everyone the number of people that have read it. It’s a promise I made that has to be kept.

  5. …lol… a very comical title and introduction to the post… well thought out! I came to read because I was curious that “is that for real?” Good one raised and supported – keep doing the right thing, no matter what. Thanks for sharing Sir. Cheers 🙂

  6. I did not fall for the gimmick, I came to read because I am an ardent follower of your blog, immediately i saw the title, l laughed that Mr Onifade is up to something new, I thought you wanted to preach the power of savings, or micro financing.

    Nice one, keep attracting readers, most people may never read, if the topic is not fascinating, I wonder how you combine this with your regular work, except am wrong.

    1. Thanks for this Olumide. I am laughing and rolling on the floor here. I really appreciate your comments (as usual).

      As for writing, I think it’s a matter of interest and commitment. Everyone talks about lack of adequate time to do certain things but I think it has to do with “self management” as against “time management” since we cannot add one second to the God-given 24 hours in a day. Many people keep asking me the same question so I think I should actually write a new article titled “How I Write” very soon. Perhaps it would assist others too. Yeah?

      I am working on something that has to do with savings and investment and will alert you when it is published here.

      Once again, please keep visiting, and keep reading.


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