If you want his Heart, pass through his Stomach

Hope you’ve read my last post about “10 Things That a New Husband Must Know.”

In the opening paragraphs of that blog, I hinted that I had three wedding invitations for this weekend. I made it to one of them yesterday.

Though I missed the church service, I was also able to witness the “feeding ritual” for the couple at their reception party. So great a sight to behold!

The “feeding ritual” started when the bridegroom stood up, picked a small piece of cake, and lifted it to the bride’s mouth. He then filled a glass with some red wine and, again, fed his heartthrob with it.

Your guess is right. You know what must have followed. The young man slightly held his wife’s chin and planted a deep kiss on her smooth lips to the admiration of us all.

Then came the turn of the bride to feed her husband.

This time, the guy balanced himself on the gorgeously decorated couch; his bride kneeling before him with her white gown covering the front of his legs.

She smiled gracefully, revealing a set of even white teeth. She took a big chunk of cake and gently fed the young man. She didn’t stop the feeding until the whole bunch of cake had disappeared into the guy’s mouth.

With the cake eaten up by her husband, she drew closer, held him close to her chest, and brushed her smooth lips against his; removing the cake particles that had settled on his lips. ‘Wow! How come the guy didn’t do that to her?’ I wondered.

Now that her husband’s stomach had been duly filled with cake, the lady carefully poured a full glass of red wine and lifted the tall glass to his mouth. Holy Spirit! That guy must have been so thirsty. His Adams apple travelled up and down at lightning speed, and he did not stop gulping until the entire cup had been totally drained.

I needn’t say much about what followed because you already know the tradition. The lady kissed her husband so passionately that the entire hall went agog with claps and laughter.

That kissing episode lasted for about 55 seconds. Yes, I timed it. You won’t know how long a minute might take until you embark on a kissing game.

I could see the happiness in the bridegroom’s heart. His face was aglow with joy. He beamed with loving smiles and admiration for his wife. No doubt, he was fully satisfied with what had just happened.

That’s a man for you!

Let any man that doesn’t like food raise up his hand. Haha! I can’t see any.

We all like food, most especially those cooked by our wives (or…ehmm…I swallow it).

If my last article is for a new husband, definitely this one is for a new wife. If you want to win the heart of your husband, learn how to feed him properly. Should you offend him in anyway, he can easily forgive you after eating your delicious food.

Now you can see why I once wrote “When a New Wife Cannot Cook.” Read it again here.

There are certain things that are best known to Nature. Try as you may, it could be so impossible to unravel the secret behind a man’s love of good food. Maybe it’s because many men cannot cook by themselves.

Thank God I’m not like them. You can ask my wife; she will confirm that I know how to “cook” eggs very well. At no time had any of my eggs got cracked inside the pot.

But some men are great cooks (like me) and they still love food. How come? You see what I mean? It doesn’t have much to do with men’s inability to cook. We just love good food, that’s all.

I think the easiest way for a woman to open her husband’s heart and live there forever is to nourish his stomach with luscious and scrumptious delicacies all the time. With that perfectly mastered, her man will never know the road that leads to McDonald’s or KFC. The risk of losing him to another woman will also be greatly minimized.

So if good food is a master key for every wife, how come she doesn’t use it to open her man’s heart? How come she can feed her husband with cake and wine on the wedding day but become something else when she gets to his house?

Those are good questions that are best left for ladies themselves to answer.

But I think it’s a combination of many factors which include:

  • Lack of cookery knowledge and experience;
  • Sheer laziness;
  • Pride;
  • Poor time management;
  • Over-delegation; and
  • Misplacement of priority

Some ladies forget that cooking for their husbands is a task that cannot be fully delegated, so they go ahead to leave cooking for the Housemaid or the Cook to do. In no time, the Housemaid or lady Cook becomes the wife of the house. That’s because the lady who does the cooking possesses the master key to the man’s heart. She’s able to walk from his stomach to his heart!

If you are a lady, I have just given you a simple key to use. If you don’t know how to cook, you can start learning from today. You can go to a friend who (I hope) knows how to cook.

You may also go back to Mummy for some lessons (assuming that she cooks for Daddy).

As an alternative, you can get yourself a cookery book or video. Look, there is no shame in doing just that. We are talking about possessing a master key here.

Better still, you may want to attend an evening school on cookery (if any), or register for an online cookery course (though I’m yet to come across any). Be sure you choose the one which syllabus covers varieties of food ranging from Chinese cuisine to African pounded yam.

If you need help on how to “cook” eggs, I’m here to coach you.

I wish you a safe journey to your man’s heart. And don’t forget me when you get there.

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2 thoughts on “If you want his Heart, pass through his Stomach”

  1. Oga, ds piece is simply lovely! So vital that we Pastors do wish dt our spinsters can have access to such an educative piece like this and stop fooling themselves dt everything starts and ends just on d bed!? Quite amusing to read dt u even ‘timed d kissing period!’ I trust u sir. Weldone for d good jobs u’re doing on ur blog. On a lighter note however, how should ‘she’ remember u ‘when she eventually reaches her husband heart’? Guess a prayer from her would suffice – but it may be a silent prayer anyway. Your day is blessed sir!

    1. Thanks Bayo. Good to learn that you enjoyed this piece.

      Well, I think remembering me in her prayers should be enough. But who says she cannot send me a cheque for this little service? Abi marriage counselors no dey charge their clients?

      Have a wonderful week ahead.

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