Single & Happy!

“You got home so late yesterday. What happened?”

“Oh yes! I went for a program.”

“Another program; which one this time?”

“It was a ‘Married & Singles’ program meant for couples and singles?”

“Really? Sounds like a faulty combination to me.”

“How could it be? It’s all about marriage and relationships. The speakers counseled those of us who are singles on how to cope with life without partners. They also taught the married ones how to deal with marital issues.”

“Interesting! But I’m a bit worried about the way you jump up and down on this marriage stuff nowadays. You make it look like a do or die thing, Linda.”

“Why won’t I? A beautiful lady like me still single at 35! Do you want me to be happy about that?”

“You don’t have to be unhappy about it. I think you can actually be single and be happy.”

“Did you just say ‘happy’? You must be joking. My mates are all married. Some of them even have two or three kids already and here I am; still searching for Mr. Right.  The good guys out there just seem to have ganged up against me. None of them is approaching me for marriage.”

“And you think being unhappy is the answer to your problem?”

“What else do you expect me to do? You want me to start laughing all over town rejoicing over my single status? How do you think people even perceive me right now? They probably see me as a wayward lady without a husband.”

“I quite understand your points but I still think you’re getting it wrong, Linda. You don’t have to be this unhappy. ”

“Well, it’s not your fault. I’m sure you can’t understand the pains that spinsters go through particularly when they cross a certain age. You’re married so there is no way you can know what it means to sleep alone at night, soaking the pillows with tears of loneliness.”

“Who told you that marriage is the main source of happiness for a single lady?”

“Yes, it may not be the main source but it will make me happy all the same.”

“But you don’t have to wait till you get married before you become a happy lady. In fact, your current state of unhappiness is probably preventing you from getting the right man.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are asking me? You should know that happiness is like a scent. It gives sweet aroma and attracts attention. The opposite is the same for unhappiness. It’s a bad odor that drives people away.”

“You may have a point there but I still try my best to hide my emotions. I don’t allow my inner feelings to show on my face.”

“Haha! You make me laugh, lady. That’s only in your imagination. What you think is different from what actually happens. We do a lot of things unconsciously that other people pick the signals.”

“You’ve started with your hard teachings again.”

“No, no, no; there is nothing hard about it. If you’re happy; you will draw people to your side. If you’re unhappy; people will run away from you. Nobody wants to associate with a sadist; most especially a female sadist.”

“So you’re inferring that I’m a sadist, eh?”

“Not at all, but I can easily see that you’re not a happy lady and that bothers me. Now look at it this way: If I could easily notice your inner feelings, how much more for those who may want to pick an interest in you?”

“Wish I could be happy with my present condition.”

“Yes you can!”

“But how? Go ahead and tell me how I can continue to see my mates getting married and I will be happy with myself. Tell me how I can sleep at night without thinking about having a marital home. Tell me…”

“That’s enough! I only have few words for you to think about.”

“Pour them out. I’m listening.”

“Remove your attachments and you will be happy.”

“Attachments? When did you join those prophets claiming that hair attachments and wigs contribute to ladies’ spiritual problems?”

“I’m not talking about any hair attachments or wigs, Linda. I’m not also talking about any spiritual issue here.”

“Then, what exactly do you mean by attachments?”

“I’m talking about those things you attach to marriage. If only you could stand away from them; if only you could attach less importance to them for now; if only you could stop seeing them as being a must-have at this stage of your life, you will surely become a happy person and draw good guys to your side.”

“I think I’m lost.”

“No, you won’t get lost if you could walk with me for a few minutes. Let’s take the points you have raised about marriage one after the other and see if you should actually get yourself worked up unnecessarily. Let’s start with the issue of happiness.”

“Yes?”

“Who says that every married couple is happy? Why don’t you start reconditioning your mind? What if you can start seeing the point that there are so many couples cursing themselves for getting married in the first place? If you can do that, you will brighten your present moment and stop seeing your happiness as being dependent on marriage.

“Wow!”

“You spoke about having children in marriage, right?”

“Yes, some of my friends already have kids.”

“Good. But I also know one of your friends that has been married for three years without any kid.”

“That’s true. But we’re all praying for her and her husband.”

“I’m praying for them too. But my point is that only God gives kids. And He does as He pleases. Your getting married is not a guarantee that you will have kids at the time you want it.”

“Are you cursing me or what?”

“Why would I? It is just a reality. I like being practical with people.”

“Anyway, it’s true. Some even get kids that eventually bring shame to them.”

“Well, that won’t be our portion in Jesus Name.”

“Amen!”

“You also spoke about weeping over your pillow or something.”

“Yes. In fact, I’m tired. Loneliness can be killing.”

“You should be grateful to God, you know.”

Whaaat? Grateful that I’m crying at night for lack of a husband?”

“No. You should be grateful for your life and be a happy lady. There are many married women who weep every night because they have husbands.”

“How do you mean?”

“They weep every night because they have the wrong husbands.”

“In other words, being married does not mean you can’t still cry at night.”

“Absolutely! In fact, the tears could be more than being a single lady.”

“Ah, I better remain single and happy, then.”

“No, it’s actually a great thing to be married. It can be a joyful experience. But your style is wrong, Linda. If you continue this way, you may end up in wrong hands.”

Hmm, and the weeping could double, right?”

“Correct.”

“OK. But there is still an issue you’ve not addressed.”

“Which one is that?”

“I don’t like the way people are talking about me. And I don’t like the way they treat me. People don’t respect me the way they do to married ladies.”

“Linda!”

“Yes?”

“Change your thoughts.”

“It’s not about my thoughts. It’s what I see every blessed day!”

“Lady, it’s your perception. Many people out there don’t care about whether or not you’re married. They have their own issues hanging on their necks so stop overburdening your head. Even if they’re talking about you, ‘let them say.’ It’s not your problem; it’s theirs.”

“Hmmm, tough one.”

“Let me ask you a question, Linda.”

“Shoot on.”

“Tell me; did you influence the day you were born?”

“Nope.”

“Did you choose to be a girl when you were born?”

“Impossible.”

“Did you choose not to be married?”

“How can…?”

“Then you don’t have a problem. The One who chose your date of birth, your sex, your life, your parents, and your citizenship will also choose your marital status.”

“But when will He do it?”

“Wait for your time in happiness.”

“You mean I don’t have to start running helter-skelter for a husband any longer.”

“Exactly!”

“What if they don’t approach me?”

“They will surely do when you change your attitude. By the way, who knows you’re already 35? Age is just a number! And you’re so lucky to have such a great body. You look like a 20-year old babe.”

“You’re flattering me, eh?”

“I don’t flatter. It’s a fact. The only thing you need now is to make your inward beautiful too. And the only way you can achieve that is by becoming a happy and radiant lady. You have to start breathing out light and life to the whole world.”

Heeey, Mr.  Philosopher!”

“You can call me that again, lady. But don’t forget that I’m also a Catechist!”

“Well, thanks all the same. At least, I’ve learnt some new things from our dialogue.”

“You’re welcome. And thank God you’re happier than when we started talking here today.”

“Yes oo. But I also have a question for you?”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you have a younger brother?”

“Of course, I do?”

“Can he marry me?”

Eeeeeeh?

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2 thoughts on “Single & Happy!”

  1. I read this piece with my wife , and we both agreed that happiness is a thing of the mind.

    To be happy in a marrige both must understand each others strenght and limitations.

    My wife took time to source for an intelligent and God fearing, loving and caring muslim, while i acommodated an Ekiti lady in an Ijebu home……..

    I took time to educate her to match my taste for tomorows challenges.

    So far so good forthe past 18 years.

    THe lord God should be entrusted with whatever plans we have including marriage, as He is the only source of goodness…….when you think all is lost He comes arround to salvage the worst of all challenges beyound our expectations.

    Read the history of Prohet Ayuba ( JOB) and be rest assured of the magnificient God in making us all happy even in most troubled marriages.

    We agreed that no one can make you happy whether you are single or married except your self and inspired by the almighty God.

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