Last weekend, I stumbled on an old dusty Notebook that I had used some eight years ago. Expectedly, old memories started flashing through my mind as I read that Notebook. Everything appeared as if it had all happened yesterday. No doubt, it doesn’t take long before one becomes an old man or woman!
On a particular page of the Notebook were the notes I took at a seminar sometime in 2004. It had to do with Love and Relationship. As duly indicated in the Notebook, the topic was “The True Meaning of Love.”
As I went through the notes, I could remember the faces of the participants, and could also hear the voice of the Speaker as he taught us how to love. It was indeed a very interesting and revealing lecture on that day and I can still recall asking a number of questions, as did the other participants.
Now you can guess what brought up this topic in my blog today. It is reminiscence of that wonderful seminar of eight years ago!
So, what exactly is the true meaning of love? What does it take to love?
I’m sure some people, most especially the born again Christians, will want to quickly refer me to the Holy Bible. They will want to point my attention to 1 Corinthians 13 where the subject of Love is fully dealt with. As brilliant as that may be, I can bet that many of us don’t practice half of what is written in that book.
Since this post is not about religious teaching; and since today is not Sunday that I may want to preach to you; I will want us to leave the issue of biblical injunctions for another day.
Let’s talk about love in plain non-religious language; just the way that Speaker dealt with the topic in 2004.
New lovers never fail to amaze me. Watch them over the first few months of meeting each other. You will see how close they stay together. Observe how they share, how they hug, how they kiss, and how they frequently say “I love you” to each other; most especially on phone! You will adore them greatly.
But why doesn’t this kind of loving relationship last forever?
I heard that a popular pastor has just divorced his wife; his second divorce within a short period. And this one is happening after four years of marriage! So pastors too are not left out! My mind immediately raced back to that question of why people break up so quickly.
Love goes beyond the three common words of “I love you.” They are common words because people utter them without much thought. For a relationship to last long, love must be present all the time and it must be demonstrated every time.
I am not unaware of ladies’ preference for expression; most especially verbal expression. Their doctrine seems to be, “If you truly love me, you have to say it.” Yes, I concur. What if he says he loves you but fails to demonstrate it? His words to you simply become part of the “sweet-for-nothing” gibberish.
How, then, can lovers make their relationship a sustainable one? How can the flame of love be kept burning forever?
The answer is quite simple – though usually difficult to practice. The solution is for lovers to love each other the way a good parent will love his/her child.
Do you want me to say that again? I repeat: Love your partner the way a good parent will love his or her child.
But how come many people don’t do that? They don’t, because their partners are not, in reality, their children. That’s just it.
Imagine how a parent would do everything humanly possible to guide, protect, and accept his/her child without expecting to get anything in return. Good parents don’t invest their time and energy on their children on the expectation that one day, those children would return what have been done for them. Instead, good parents want their children to be the best in life. They show unconditional love for their children.
Disagreements often occur when either of the lovers refuses to let go. Anger comes when a partner holds tightly to the fault or mistake of the other partner. That’s when you begin to hear statements such as “Oh, he has changed dramatically” or “No, she’s no longer the lady I met two years ago.”
When you examine the two closely, it would become clear that nothing has really changed. They’ve only changed focus as lovers. Each of them now affirms the negative, as against the positive things they used to see in each other at the beginning.
Can you remember the popular expression, “Love is blind”? I can assure you that love is not blind at all. It only sees the good things, not the bad side of a partner.
When a child offends his father, the father may be upset for a short time. Later, he comes to the conclusion that “After all, he’s just a small child. And he’s my son, anyway.” How I wish we could do that in relationships. How I wish we could let go of each other’s mistakes. How I wish we could forgive more. How I wish we could always remember that love truly perseveres.
Love is for tolerant people. It’s about making the choice to respect each other. Love is not about one partner begging the other for love. No! Loving is not begging someone for love.
Watch the trend. Watch the history of those who are constantly in search of true love. You will discover that they are the most impatient people. They continuously hunt for love that doesn’t ever travel anywhere. Little mistake from a partner, they must quickly make a change. They must pick race! They change lovers like clothes. Sadly for them, they never find happiness. And they are never in true love.
Our planet earth needs happy people. Our world yearns for lovers. True love is all about giving and letting go. It’s about understanding and forgiving. It’s about treating your partner as you would treat your child.
I wish you true love…for a better world.