My dear Carol,
Today is your day. It’s your wedding day. I rejoice with you.
I can see the smile on your face. I can read the joy in your heart. That is expected. Every single lady dreams of a day like this: A day that one of your life missions is being fulfilled.
As a new bride, advice has been pouring into your ears from every angle. Your parents have counseled you, and the pastor has ministered to you. They’ve all done their bit.
All the advice you will receive today will be great, I have no doubt about that. But when you settle down into your matrimonial home and begin to experience your new life, that’s when other forms of advice will begin to surface.
My dear Carol, be wary!
Marriage can be smooth and enjoyable. But you have a big role to play. And you have a lot of sacrifices to make.
I will not deceive you, challenges lie along the way. Be prepared!
And be proactive!
How do I mean? You may wander.
I will tell you.
You and your man have been courting for some time, and it has been a very sweet experience all along. That’s quite normal. And it will still continue that way for sometime after today.
But it will begin to reduce very soon.
Those visits to the beach; those moonlight dinner; those clubbing together; those ice cream; and those popcorn bags may gradually reduce, or stop completely.
Don’t take it personal when it happens. It’s part of the marital experience.
At a point, you may begin to think that your man has changed. You may want to cry, “Oh, Joe is no longer the man I used to know.” Please don’t do that. He’s not a changed man. It’s his status that has changed.
He’s no longer a bachelor, and you’re no longer a spinster. You’re both married!
And you’re now living together.
Many of the things you didn’t know about him during courtship will begin to appear. You have to take him as he is. It’s your decision to marry him, and you must accept the responsibility.
He is also doing the same!
My young lady, you may be tempted to think that he will change. If he does, well enough; if he doesn’t, be patient with him.
I hope you know what it entails to be proactive. It’s the opposite of being reactive.
Emphasize the good aspects of your man, and he will graduate from good to great.
You have the power to choose your response to whatever he does or says to you. You can also change any negative part of him by reinforcing his positive attributes.
Carol, I see a happy union before you. I see a joyful life in front of you. Each day of your marital life can continue to be as sweet as today – your wedding day.
But you have to make it happen. The new home is your home. You are the Minister of the house. It is your house. You can make it a house of calm, or turn it to a house of commotion. The choice is yours.
As you read this letter, you could be saying in your mind, “Why is uncle addressing this letter to only me? How about my husband? Doesn’t he equally have roles to play to make the marriage work?”
Hmmm, it’s true. It takes two to tango.
But it’s you I know. And you know your new husband.
It will be a shame to you, to me, and our entire family if your marriage should fail. And I pray it doesn’t.
Being reactive is a sure invitation to breakup.
Learn to choose how you react to issues. Learn to be patient. Learn to control your tongue. And you will have your man forever.
Always remember these words of wisdom: “It’s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens that hurts us.”
Believe me, things do happen after marriage. But the way you react to them determines what happens next.
You’re a good girl. You have a good upbringing. So I don’t have to preach morality to you. I know what you can do and what you cannot do.
But, I repeat, beware of friends!
Many broken homes are caused by friends.
Many cracks in marriage walls are caused by friends.
As they say, a sheep that flocks with a dog will eat faeces…aguntan to ba ba aja rin a je igbe.
If necessary, change your friends. It’s about your marriage. It’s about your happiness.
As from today, stop seeing yourself as that little girl of yesterday. You are now a woman – a madam. Of course you know how a madam behaves. She’s matured and full of dignity. You must carry yourself in that manner as from now on.
Take a look at your shoes, Carol. They are golden shoes, they are shoes of love; but you must wear them properly. Take the steps cautiously and graciously. And you will wear those shoes for long.
Though you may step on toes, the Heavenly Lord will protect you.
Anyway, enough of sermons! You’ve received plenty of them today. A word is enough for the wise – abo oro la n so fun Omoluabi, to ba de nu e a di odindi.
I, your good uncle, the Capo di Tutti, have spoken. And I hope you will print my words on your left palm.
Now, tell me, where is your honeymoon taking place, my dear? I look forward to seeing the pictures and video recordings.
Have a very happy and joyous marital life, Carol.
The Catechist by choice.