When I Get to The Gate of Heaven

“Did you go to church today?”

“Yes of course, you know me for that. I don’t miss Sunday service.”

“Bravo! I know you are born again just like me.”

“You? Born again?”

“Yes now.”

“Please don’t make me laugh. I think you are actually born against.”

“Common, born against who?”

“You are born against tithes. You are born against abstinence from alcohol, women, and…”

“It’s enough! I never knew you were one of the judges around. But don’t forget that the bible says, ‘Thou shall not judge.’”

“But I’m not judging you.”

“Eh eeeh, so what are you doing, then?”

“I’m only drawing your attention to the fact that you are not born again as you claim. A born again man does not chase girls. He does not drink. He does not lie. He does not . . .”

“Okay, okay, okay. I know I’m a sinner.”

“That’s better.”

“But I will still enter the Kingdom of God.”

“Hahahaha, is that what they told you in the church today? That same church you only attend once in a blue moon?”

“No”

“So what then gives you the impression that you, a self confessed sinner, will enter the Kingdom of God?”

“It’s very simple. I have a strategy for that.”

“Strategy?”

“Yes”

“I beg, tell me about it. I’m so eager to know.”

“Okay. I listened to the Pastor’s sermon in the church this morning and I knew there’s no way I can make Heaven with the long list of conditions he dished out. I’ve failed big time.”

“I’m listening to you.”

“So, as I sat in that church, I was busy planning my strategy, and before the end of the service, I came up with a master plan.”

“Why are you keeping me in so much suspense? Roll out your plans.”

“Well, the Pastor said an angel would stand at the Heaven’s gate with a big book in front of him, and every one of us would line up in front of this angel, waiting for our names to be called.”

“Yes. I’ve heard that before.”

“The man of God said the angel would read out each person’s name; tell him all he did while on earth and either directs him towards the gate that leads to Heaven, or the one that leads to Hell.”

“I already know the one the angel will direct you to.”

“Which one?”

“Hell of course.”

“That’s where you’re making a mistake. Not with my strategy.”

“Whatever strategy you have cannot work. It is whatever that angel reads out that will determine where you will be.”

“I insist my strategy will work perfectly if, truly, what the Pastor described is the way each person’s case would be handled by that angel.”

“So let me hear you out, I’m tired of waiting.”

“Good. When the angel calls my name I will simply refuse to answer.”

“You will what?”

“I will refuse to answer; simple as ABC.”

“You must be joking.”

“Not only that, if by chance one of my fellow dead men taps me on the shoulder to say, ‘Mr. Man, the angel is calling your name, answer him,’ I will give him a simple response.”

“And what will that be?”

“I will say, ‘Shut up my friend, the angel should see in that book that I changed my name while on earth.”

“And what if the angel actually calls your new name?”

“I will still defend myself.”

“How?”

“I will argue that the name he called is not my original name, so I couldn’t have answered him.”

“And you think the angel would take all those pranks lightly with you?”

“Is he not an angel”

“Eh eh?”

“Yes, angels are supposed to be calm with people.”

“Calm? I pity you.”

“Don’t pity me joo. The angel will just get tired of me and usher me through the gate of Heaven.”

“I can see that you really need a serious deliverance.”

“You nko?”

“You better repent today because that your useless strategy will land you in Hell.”

“Wait till then.”

“Till when?”

“Till we both get there.”

“Me? Never. I won’t be with you.”

“Where would you be?”

“Heaven, of course!”

“You? That would only happen if that angel takes bribe from people.”

“Make I go joo. You are a BIG case.”

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