Ladies throw a lot of stones at men. They are never short of accusations to level against their partners.
It’s not uncommon to hear a lady lament to a friend, “Oh! I try so hard to make him see reasons but he doesn’t listen.”
The friend then asks why, and she responds, “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m just fed up.”
She could also launch a general attack, “You know how stubborn men could be. They’re so full of themselves. My guy doesn’t want to reason with me at all. That’s a man for you!”
Could she be right?
It is a good thing to listen. That’s why I spoke about it extensively in “The Act of Listening.”
As much as I may disagree with the general assumption of “That’s who men are,” I quite agree that men don’t often listen to their women.
Are they to be blamed for that?
Ladies have a share of the blame; a bigger share for that matter.
Haha! Is someone already reaching for a gun to shoot me down for saying that? Well, I guess I’m duly protected because I’m wearing a bulletproof vest here.
I won’t speak without a reason.
Let any aggrieved lady read further to know why she’s to be blamed for her man’s refusal to listen her.
One, many ladies forget that men are not women. They fail to realize that we are not on the same level emotionally.
Take the case of a lady who is so upset with her man’s drinking habit as an example. Her man comes home drunk everyday and she doesn’t like it. She wants him to change, but the more she talks; the more the man goes binge drinking! Her words are not entering his eardrums.
Her number one problem is that she talks to him with too much emotion. She lodges her complaints with vicious attacks and unprintable words. Short of giving him some dirty slaps out of annoyance.
What happens in return?
Her guy examines a number of options and chooses whichever pleases him:
- He could pick up his car keys and return to where he was coming from, drunk driving.
- He could just sit down quietly and mutter, ‘Women with their aggressiveness. Let her nag until she gets tired.’
- He could collapse on the couch and sleep off till the following morning.
But her woman wouldn’t let him be.
The verbal assaults will continue the following morning.
Now the man is much more sober. The alcohol has completed its mission. It’s the morning hours; he can see clearly, and he can hear his woman clearer.
But he still doesn’t listen to her.
Instead, he goes on the defensive and yells, “Why on earth do you trouble me, woman!”
Trust a lady. She must respond.
“I must shout because of your reckless life, man! What else do you expect me to do? I will not relent until you change your disgusting behavior.”
And he truly changes that same day. He changes from bear to rum.
Let a lady speak to her man with limited verbal explosions; let her calm herself down before speaking; let her speak without aggravated emotion – she will have her man’s attention.
Two, ladies tend to talk more about what they don’t want as against what they actually want.
Sadly for them, instead of their men listening they continue to wander, “What exactly do women want?”
Is that phrase familiar?
I bet it is.
And that’s because ladies don’t ask for what they want.
Take the case of another lady who doesn’t have her man’s attention. The guy doesn’t spend enough time with her.
Instead of telling him something like, “Honey, you will make me feel on top of the world if we could spend next weekend together at Lovefound beach,” she would rather say, “Honey, I don’t like the way you don’t take me out to Lovefound beach on weekends.”
To her man, she has said nothing.
Why is it so difficult for ladies to say exactly what they want? Why must they make their requests in the negative?
When a lady speaks that way, her man cannot listen. In fact, a current sparks in his head, ‘Imagine how she’s accusing me and expects me to listen!’
So he doesn’t listen. And he doesn’t act either.
OK, I agree. Some ladies ask in the affirmative. But how specific are they in their requests?
A lady wants frequent passionate kisses from her man and she says, “Darling, I will want you to love me the more.”
Isn’t that too general? Why not call a spade a spade?
Another one doesn’t go straight to tell her man she needs a thousand dollars. Rather, she says, “I will be happy if you could give me some money, dear.”
Should we blame her man for not listening?
Alright, I won’t be open enough if I didn’t say the last one. And that has to do with men’s ego.
Yes, it’s true; we’ve got ego.
If a woman wants to be heard by her man, let her take this fact to heart. Let her start by appreciating the good aspects of her man. Let her remind her man of how great he is; how loving he has always been; and how benevolent he is to her.
Yes, I guarantee, the doors to his ears will open immediately, and her words will enter freely. At that point, she can make her demands. And he will listen passionately.
Am I recommending that a lady should deceive her man with sugarcoated mouth?
Am I suggesting that she should first lift him up and then drop the bombshell?
I am simply saying that praising is part of man. We love being praised. We get moved by praises. And we listen better when praised by our women.
Please don’t blame us for that.
We take it after God.